Author Archives: tdicomes

They have a psychological barrier against examining their own behavior, and therefore they don’t change their own behavior, even when it would help them. Instead, they defend their actions and personalities—and remain stuck repeating their self-defeating behavior. Continue reading

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Divorce is not known for bringing out the best in anyone. But, if you are going through a high conflict divorce, you have probably had at least a few homicidal moments. (Not that you would actually act on them, of course! … Continue reading

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Difficult people – we call them high-conflict personalities – have a pattern of negative behavior with four primary characteristics: All-or-nothing thinking; unmanaged emotions; extreme behavior or threats; and a preoccupation with blaming others. Therefore, they tend to escalate conflicts, rather … Continue reading

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Imagine you are a manager, and you have a supervisor who reports to you who is dealing with an employee with high conflict traits.  There has already been a complaint from the employee that the supervisor is abusing their authority … Continue reading

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Some meditations are easy as pie and others are more like pulling teeth.  Here are three techniques that work when you feel more like a dentist than a mediator. 1.  Making Proposals: Teach your clients how to make proposals in … Continue reading

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All of us are subject to acting like a jerk from time-to-time, especially when we can do so from the relative anonymity of a social media comment. Continue reading

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When you are involved with a High Conflict Person (HCP) whether personally or professionally, you have experienced how easy it is to get “hooked” into the conflict and how difficult it is to not take it personally. You can recognize … Continue reading

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When parents start living in two separate households, they need to redefine their boundaries, especially in regard to the children. Continue reading

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“As high-conflict personalities appear to be increasing in society and the workplace, we are hearing more reports of disrespectful behavior during business meetings these days. Sad to say that this even is a topic which needs to be addressed. But since much of today’s work goes on in meetings, we’d like to present some strategies we are developing that anyone can use who is faced with this issue.” Continue reading

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Posted in High Conflict People, Professionals, Workplace | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

“Maybe we don’t need relationships anymore. Maybe we can say and do anything we want with other people – in other words incivility has no cost and is easier than putting a surge protector on ourselves.” Continue reading

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Posted in Family / Relationships, General, High Conflict People, Professionals, Social Media, Workplace | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

© 2017 By Shawn D. Skillin, Esq. Earlier in my career I did work for the court as Minor’s Counsel.  I interviewed children and heard firsthand what they thought about their parents’ divorce.  Occasionally, as a mediator I still interview … Continue reading

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“Setting limits is the most important and most difficult step in handling High Conflict People.” Continue reading

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Pause. Take a deep breath. Then read the email/ text with a critical eye: Is there anything that REALLY requires a reply? Continue reading

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Posted in Education, Family / Relationships, High Conflict People, Workplace | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

“Paint a picture of that person treading water alone in the ocean. When we extend logic, explanation, insults and avoidance to them, they just sink deeper. Arms flailing, they’re barely able to keep their head above water.” Continue reading

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You can’t put the cart before the horse. High Conflict People need to be calmed before they can find the bridge to logic. Continue reading

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“Every time you react to the attacks, you are fueling the High-Conflict Person’s fire to continue with even more attacks.” Continue reading

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Posted in Family / Relationships, General, Guest Blogs, High Conflict People, Reader's Q&A | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

If we aren’t likely to resolve the conflict by legal reasoning and persuasion, and if threats don’t work, what can be done? Continue reading

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We all have dealings with high-conflict people, in our families, at work and in our communities. They often catch us by surprise with their extreme thinking, emotions and behavior, which can include: an inability to compromise, lying, spreading rumors, stealing, … Continue reading

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Your tendency will be to have and desire as little contact with the HCP as possible. Don’t fall into that trap. Continue reading

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Posted in blog, General, High Conflict People, Professionals, Workplace | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Your divorce isn’t like your friends divorce, yours is different. Your divorce is high conflict. You need strong and secure boundaries, clear and concise communication and you need to document your Ex’s manipulative behaviors. Continue reading

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Posted in Family / Relationships, General, Guest Blogs, High Conflict People | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments